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Here
is a list of all the things that made me fall in love with him, well more the illusion and adoration for him.
· I feel I can
relate to him. In a weird way, I guess. We’re both very obsessive
and cling to things easily – I’m bad with drugs and alcohol, I mean, well, I wouldn’t know… heh heh
heh. He hurt himself, because he felt WEAK. I feel the same; weakness… is the biggest weakness (ooh irony.) I think
that people take things a lot better than I do; I feel that everyone else around me is stronger and can deal with the weight
of this merciless world, whilst I can’t. We also share low self-esteem. It stops you from doing anything and EVERYTHING.
I failed P.E. twice because I am ashamed of showing my body as I think I’m UGLY. I even get told that. Fucking hell,
I don’t care for other’s opinions but my own, no matter what people try to say to get me to agree with their views
my opinions will always remain where they are. Of course, they change, but I make up my own mind. The bad thing is when I
agree with something that I shouldn’t and it makes me feel weak and powerless. I want to disappear, or sleep forever.
Apparently, when he was 13, he wrote an 859 page long essay on William Shakespeare. All I could think was “WOW”
and not because of the length, but the fact that he would have understood and loved Shakespeare for his eloquence and beauty
whilst doing his fine literature. Ah, I started reading Shakespeare and fell in love with his writings when I was 11, and
I thought I was strange for it. Now, little and naively two years older I find there is someone out there who also had admiration
and respect for such a fine man. You could actually say Richey was a little whacked in the head as well, why someone would
write something as long on that. His reason as to why? To kill time…
· His reasons
for self-mutilation. I hate it when I see teenagers these days
thinking “Cutting/ burning is cool, I should do it to fit in.” Its bullshit, complete and utter crass. His reasons,
as quoted in a random interview “When I cut myself I feel so much better. All the things that might have been annoying
me suddenly seem so trivial because I'm concentrating on the pain...” He is pure misery reincarnated, into some kind
of fucking whiz. Okay, it may seem tasteless to say that he is smart because he hurt himself for good reasons, but at least
he found something to deal with his pain. I feel cutting is like channeling your “bad” emotions into something
that it is – pain, suffering, angst. Wholesome fucking truth. Okay, if you don’t understand… say you’re
happy. What do you do? Share it with others? Go and treat yourself? Go out and have some fun? Same thing if you’re sad.
Do you eat ice cream? Rent out some DVDs? Take drugs? Alcohol? Read? Well it’s just another way to deal with those kind
of emotions. I'd say self-injury to me is any kind of occurrence that happens to you that offers different emotions for different
purposes. It can be used as a way to channel "bad" emotions like anger, hurt, hatred, depression, loneliness, fear or
"good" emotions like happiness, peace, love, romance, tolerance and serenity. When I’m happy I usually dance, talk a
lot, talk fast and sound dyslexic. When I’m really happy I will hug people, go shopping and paint portraits of Richey.
I would show them to the world, but that would involve people laughing at how pathetic I am at painting. And if so fate would
kill me, Richey comes across this site and was to see them… I would feel so bad. So best to not mention them again!
Anyway, self-injury with Richey was a honest approach to deal with life and I respect him for that.
· His taste in
literature. Wow. We do share some similarities in our reading tastes;
Oscar Wilde (His difference, isolation and intellect), George Orwell (his insight to the coming destruction to this world),
Sylvia Plath (She is perfection, the female equivalent to Kurt Cobain… made a life, burnt out quickly to leave major
impact. Obviously Richey liked that approach), Albert Camus (His quotes, though many are taken in the wrong way, or poetically
beautiful. CAMOOOOOO! Woot.) and T.S. Elliot (Whoa, I love all the thoughts on this world, what’s wrong with it then,
now and will be for most likely forever). I can’t say much on it otherwise, because other than the shirts and quotes
from the Manics, I do not know his literature tastes are good because I don’t know it. But what I can say is that if
he can appreciate such works from these writers/ pioneers that I do know and adore, than the other writings he loved and read
would also be timeless and illuminating. I’d love to write more on this subject, but as I do not know a sufficient amount
I won’t say anymore.
· His lyric writing
genius-likeness. Obviously, his talents did not lie in music. He
was not a born guitar-player. It is a well established fact that Richey would a substantial amount of time was miming actually
playing his rhythm guitar. If he was to not play an instrument, then he would have had no place in the Manic Street Preachers.
But it is also known that until his untimely departure, he was writing around 70% of the band’s song lyrics. And what
a wondrous writer he is. The poetic-type way that he wrote was astounding. I don’t know this, but I do have a feeling
that he wrote poetry. Well, a lot of people do, but I know he’d be damn superior at it. Lyrics to songs like Motorcycle
Emptiness, Faster, Revol, IfWhiteAmericaToldTheTruthForOneDayIt’sWorldWouldFallApart, Love’s Sweet Exile (J), Stay Beautiful,
The Intense Humming of Evil and La Tristesse Durera are a few out of so many well written songs that Richey has co-written
with Nicky Wire. Don’t get me started on how great Nicky is too! Haha. Richey had a major interest and perhaps passion
with politics, as it highly is shown on “The Holy Bible”, Richey last accomplishment with the Manics.
· His approach
to thinking. He was a recluse to the world. He saw things differently
to what everyone else did. If you ask me, the chimera of Arthur Rimbaud contaminated his mind and made him want to disappear.
Maybe even Kurt Cobain’s premature suicide death as well. The whole evaporation process didn’t work for Richey,
he wanted to go out with a big “sha-bang”. Neil Young once said (as mentioned in Cobain’s suicide note):
It’s better to burn out than to fade away. I am currently writing a book which is an insight to the mind of a deluded
suicidal 13 year old girl with nothing better to do than cry, write, and make websites and paint pictures of a man she never
knew although felt it was the closest thing to normal, or a soul mate or an equal that she could get. Mind you once I finish
it I hope all is made into a proper book and published. I want the world to know what it did to me. Richey’s way of thinking was “I think, therefore I Am.” and “I am what I created, I cannot
differ it prior to going back to the creation.” The prospect creation – additional massacre… Richey thinks
much like the real ‘Goths’ in this world. Like Richey, they see the beauty in this world, and its coming destruction.
Richey sees the world as powerful and enchanting as it is, and it makes it harder to deal with your life when you’re
always compared to someone bigger and better than you. He sometimes seemed thoughtless and not sensual in any sense because
people didn’t stop and look past his darker side. They thought he was a weird creep because they were too worked up
in their own world to see things his way. He works/worked in mystifying and beautiful ways.
· His beauty.
Hands down. Now, where can Richey obsesses be without noticing
how beautiful and charismatic Richey Edwards is? Abrasive and off cut (=sexy) in some ways, then see him again and he’s
graceful and flamboyant (=sexy). He knew exactly what to do to get the right reactions off people when looking at the camera.
He looked towards making himself seem all “Woe is me” to the world. Richey also showed a kind of from nowhere
kind of innocence that leads people to believe that he is a little off touch to this ruin. He has the most beautiful big,
gorgeous and alluring eyes. The massive amount of mascara and eyeliner he wore made his eyes stand out even more and it made
him look so stunning. Sometimes he reminds me of a young Lou Reed. Then, as time went by he took out the splendor in his appearance
and made it a little more honest. He stopped wearing colourful and glam/ showy-off clothes and wore greens, blacks, greys
and other expressive colours to mock his feelings. The hurt, despair and anguish in his eyes are enough to make the toughest
person reduce to tears. I don’t know if he’s a good actor or not, but the emotion in them is so real and so believable
you just want to hug him and lie, telling him everything will be ok…
So
there you have it folks, the reasons as to why I have a long-growing homage dedicated to Richey James Edwards. I love
him.
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